The last couple of weeks in class, we were looking at adjectives or to explain to 5-year-olds: describing words. These words can describe people, places, and things, as you are all aware.
Then, I had a very interesting conversation with a few colleagues along the line of believing in oneself and procrastination being the cover of fear. This continued into how we viewed ourselves and the labels we hung around our necks. So, as I was looking for inspiration for my first blog post of February, the idea came about words that describe you.
So, I had those colleagues write down 5 words that described themselves, then 5 words that describe me and each other. No explanations were needed; however, they went ahead and gave explanations too. Before I share their words to describe me and their reasons, I will first share my own describing words.
My words were: Procrastinator, creative, worry-er (is that even a word?), fighter, and talker.
We each have our own ideas, feelings, and the consequent labels we hung around our own necks. This could be due to past experiences, situations that happened, and just plain old self-sabotage. I know I am guilty of that. And then because of procrastination, the old-time favorite: fear of not being enough, or not being good enough that stops me in my tracts like this paralyzes. So that is procrastination for me.
Then I am a creative. Creativity is a way of life; it is not a destination. The way that we tackle problems and solve challenges to get to a pleasing end result. Seeing potential in things that we make, in other words seeing the bigger picture and bringing that picture to life with whatever medium we so choose to use.
Worry-er is closely knitted to procrastination. Worrying about things that might never happen, always expecting the worst in every situation, and then just not venturing into at least trying to accomplish anything or failing better. Worrying that it will not be good enough, that I will not be good enough and this paralyzing fear then really do not spur me on, instead I am stuck in a mode of not knowing what to do to get out of it. Worrying about what others will think, where will I get the time, when will I be able to do that, having too much on my fork, and not getting to everything which I want or need to get done. And feeling so overwhelmed I simply procrastinate instead of working on one thing at a time to complete the to-do list as long as my arm.
Then fighting constantly. Yes, with myself! Because I am overwhelmed and because I do not make progress with things that should be done. And because I want to get it done, I might just not know how or might lack the energy or time to complete it. Or sometimes I might just not have the willpower to complete anything and cannot find the willpower either, regardless of trying. I just had an aha moment too, through these times during which, I derailed myself and became really anxious, and negative, self-doubt enters and then it is a complete downward spiral, spinning totally out of control. So, the antidote I learned would be to do at least a little every day to stay on track, curbing self-doubt, and a plethora of other negative feelings that go hand in hand.
As a teacher, I talk a lot, naturally. I also tend to do that socially as well as when making videos. I talk so much I sometimes delete the complete video and start all over from scratch. To give you an idea I speak to myself when I am busy with crafting or various other tasks too. And of course, I speak in my sleep too.
As I said at the beginning the discussion went on to how other people see you. So, colleagues had given me a list of words they feel describe me. For the sake of keeping our sanity, I will merely mention those words without giving any explanations for them.
This list is the combined adjectives of two colleagues and three close friends: caring, charismatic, determined, strong-willed, organized, supportive, encouraging, clear and direct, friendly & approachable, gentle, and inspiring confidence.
If I compare my list to this list, it is almost totally the opposite. Which makes me believe that we do see ourselves in a different light than other people see us. We are often, too harsh on ourselves, labeling ourselves with unnecessary labels that are hard to get rid of. That hurt our self-confidence and causes a lot of self-doubt and years of continuous pain.
I gave advice to these two colleagues, speak to yourself as you would to your best friend. We would not say harsh and degrading words to our friends, so why say it to yourself? Thus, my focus for February will be to be aware of the things I say to myself.
Go forth, show yourself some kindness and love daily. After all, you should be your own best friend first of all, as charity begins at home. So, at least in the month of February, show yourself some love, kindness, and friendship and start blossoming as you are becoming your own true friend.
